![]() ![]() I don’t really understand why Jena hates Whitney just for having a senator mom when, as we can see in every Kimberly scene, Essex College is a place where rich kids walk around being rich and annoying and translators for the Tokyo Olympics. Whitney ends up being the only girl on the team not invited to Jena’s party that night, which I find a little uncalled for. ![]() What do you expect him to do, be faithful to his wife? He can’t Mindy Kaling named him Dalton. While Kimberly suffers in class, Whitney and Leighton suffer … in love? Whitney fails to get on fellow soccer superstar Jena’s (Maya Rose) good side, not helping herself when she hurls a soccer ball at coach Dalton’s stupid cheating head. ![]() Her red-lipsticked teacher tells her to drop the class, but Kimberly is a nasty femme and wants to break the Emmanuel Macron ceiling, and yeah, yeah, you get it. Kimberly struggles to keep up with her classmates’ French, especially since, unlike them, she spent the summer working at a dog-grooming store called Groomingdales (love!), but nevertheless, she French-sisted. Kimberly does “really like French,” but her tragic, disgusting public-school education tragically and disgustingly does not prepare her for the class, which is populated by a French translator for the Tokyo Olympics and a girl who tells the class Nancy Pelosi posted a picture with her on Twitter. He says that Kimberly must “really like French,” and she’s like, hehe, yeah I do :) These two could not have less chemistry, but they’re easier to root for than literally any of the other romantic pairs thus far, so I’ll take my scraps and go. Instead, we are forced to witness what is presumably meant to be a flirtatious conversation between Kimberly and Nico, wherein we discover that Kim is taking a French class that Nico has taken. ![]() Sadly, we get no Canaan time this episode. There’s something brewing between Kimberly and Naughty Nico, who’s been demoted from a Chilling Adventures of Sabrina pure-sex heartthrob to a Nutri-Grain bar. But it’s only the F.D.O.C., so hopefully we’re only going up from here. This episode was tearfully boring, especially for an episode centered around a bunch of weird teens seeing each other’s nipples at a naked party for the first time. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded a little Law & Order crossover. But Kimberly takes this as a personal attack and reminds us that her last name is Finkle (of course it is) and that she’s a human-trafficking truther, worried all night about whether Leigh got kidnapped. She reminds everyone that they literally met that week, she doesn’t even remember their last names, and that they aren’t entitled to each other’s lives, which, true. It turns out that Leigh’s random roommates are annoyingly the kind that care if you live or die, so her nonchalant, all-night radio silence doesn’t sit well with them. Brutal, but I’m skeptical of any 34-year-old who knowingly has sex with a 19-year-old, so block away! We later watch as she blocks poor Jillian, 34, who had a great time, on her dating app of choice. As Bela, Kimberly, and Whitney debate the fruitfulness of meaningless sex, Leigh wanders in with an overnight bag, her lesbian hotel moment also, presumably, a success. (When I was 18, we had One Direction kidnapping fan fiction, but to each their own). Whitney ended up going through with her one-night stand, which Bela deems the “sexiest fucking thing” she has heard in her 18 years. You probably won’t leave this episode feeling like you know the characters any more deeply than when you met them, but let’s get into it anyway. The setup is a little formulaic and so is the execution. (Didn’t think that one through, did you, Essex College?) Most of the episode trudges on, with each girl dealing with a tropey problem: Kimberly struggles through class because of her middle-class background, Leighton excels in class but struggles to make friends because she’s rich and mean, respectively, Whitney goes to a soccer party, and Bela goes to a naked party. We reconvene with our girls on their first day of classes, or as Kimberly calls it, “Happy F.D.O.C.” which stands for “First Day of Classes,” which seems to fall on a Thursday. ![]()
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